Recently I was on the receiving end of some rather clever manipulation. I do not know that it was intentional or not, but either way it worked. I ended up saying far more on a topic than I would have normally, or should have.
I was at an industry specific casual gathering, which like so many others of its type attracted people of a wide range of skills and of skill levels. I was there with the intention of catching up with the people there I knew, and picking up on whatever interesting piece of information that might emerge.
I was talking to one of the people there I already knew towards the end of the evening, once the door prizes had been drawn, and most of the other people had already left. Now this guy is someone I don’t really trust. He reminded me a little too much of someone I used to know. Someone who was a little too good at making friends and getting away with whatever dodgy shit he landed them in. The person at this even had the same extraverted manners and gift for self promotion.
We got into a bit of a discussion. It was about my work, and more specifically, my expertise. And I got annoyed. Without a lot of effort, and without looking like an arsehole, he managed to make me feel like I looked stupid. Now unfortunately my ego got involved and I started to talk a little too much, and in too much detail. I did not mention anything really critical, but I still said more than I would have otherwise. Hopefully that is a small price to pay for the lesson.
So, do you want to get some more information out of someone? Here are a few pointers:
- choose a casual gathering
- They are less likely to be wary in a casual setting then they would in a more professional environment.
- Have an audience whose respect they value
- No-one likes to feel like their peers might begin to doubt their skills or knowledge. This works best in a casual setting. In an environment where people tend to talk shop freely, they are more likely to talk. In a professional setting, they might feel they would look indiscreet should they do so.
- Make them feel stupid
- No-one wants to look stupid, uninteresting or uncool. As long as they feel the cost of talking to reaffirm their standing is equal to the gain in respect they might gain from their peers they will do so.
- Don’t push hard enough to look like an arsehole
- After all, you want the rest of the crowd to still like you.
There are always people who are more than happy to talk about everything they do, and how they do it. They are the easy ones. Some, like me, prefer to not talk too much. After all, data is valuable. But everyone has a weak spot, and that night mine was my ego.
